December 30

Left one more day,2009 will gonna end soon.School also will be reopen,i still haven prepare my things!!Iron my clother,buy my stationary and wash my school shoe.Sometime really admire those other people!Why their parent done all this for them.But me==?haha...all need to DIY want..whatever la..used to it.
Count down ! with some friends at maluri . This is my 1st year count down with friend,but not i wishes too.I know many people is going to dpc to count down...really many.


Sometime i really need a friend to hear what my mind thinking..and their concern , advision,guidance...but no one..maybe i used to bear what i faced.Act strong..it's no use..will more suffer..
someone
someone
someone
who can share my problem with me !!?
tell me what should i do ?

I'm lost.

Nothing . Empty .

Never try never know


ps:do u love me ? love me or else hurt me pls ! pls !

December 27

Next Year Plan !!

From this day onwards !!

I want to get good result in SPM !!

I want to manage 173th scout until it is best !!

I want to become stronger !!

I want to become more cool that before i am !!

I want to become used to the one that i am !!

I want to do what i like !!

I want to do what that i not dare to do !!

I want !!

I want !!

I want !!

I want !!

I want !!

I want !!

I want !!

December 24.....

Seven days more for New Year !

One days more for Christmas !

sry for lately update my blog...many incident happen to me....=)

Did i have the mood for christmas ?

How malaysian celebrate for christmas ?

How we enjoy our christmas ?

Do we need exchange present ?

In Europ it will fall snow ? but malaysia ? fall ice ? haha

Hope everyone had a wonderful , special and happy christmas =) !!!!!!!!!

*rudolf the rednose reindeer , had a little shining nose ~

December 11......

Evil love demon ?

December 8....my first time

I thought i am strong...but i m not...i really cant....my tear.....

goodbye dear

November 28 / 29 ............dear diary

Cant sleep .....

Action speaks louder than word...

November 27...dear diary....yesterday was her birthday...hang out with her and watch twilight new moon...


Is it true ?
why i cant feel it...
just like more worst

November 17...Dear diary....What is humanity ? All of us does got ? maybe .... maybe not ...
Today i pack all my equipment and hibernate in my room ....
Non-stop .... it raining outside too... feel cold ....
My Music Player keep running ....
My equipment was my new lap top....
Fix in my room ... and open My playlist ....

Until now....

November 16....Dear diary....Yesterday was a day that i sleep so early....Today when i wake up...i saw the clock in from of me...it was 6.00....then continue sleep back....until 9 something wake up...and find something to eat....today was no any activiti for me....so 1st i call lenny ask where is him...he was busy...needed to go hospital for visiting his grandma....after that...i on9 my msn...thought i can watch movie with her...but she needed to accompany her mum...mother is most important!!...lol....suddenly...remember that got meeting at school...so i call mifen...ask him got go or not....then pack all my things...go to maluri meeting....at there meeting all those KB camp things....it raining heavily....ball at maluri until 6 something then home...At night having Guitar Class...

*Maybe because of you...i know what is love....

November 15....Dear diary....Recently my dad bought Vaio lap top at Ikano...Harvey Norman...all of my house electric gadget also bought from there...really =.=!!.....Nothing special for today...Hibernate at home...all of my fren also like pass away d....din see them at this moment...

Tell me what you are thinking at all...
i know it sound absurd...
i'm in a room that locked up...
didn't know wat happen at outside...
hope u can unlock...

November 12....Dear diary....i have few day didn't write...it busy...
Maybe few days ago...i were happy...but after few days later ?...no one can predict what happen next....we just can face the fact that coming on...fact is it our fate ?...or destiny ?...i dunno....this few days i was happy and also moody....moody doesn't must sad....also can be happy =)....Today...i was totally no voice at all...cause 2 days ago...i were playing basketball...got a guy accidently crashed my vocal by his shoulder...that days onward....it make me hard to speak...but it can speak....today i was totally cant speak...maybe yesterday talk too much....hope it will better soon....by the way i know wat is the feeling of a mute man that cant speak at all...its hard...when you tell somebody anything...its difficult....even this 3 word" i love you" want to tell somebody also cant.....if somedays...i really need to become mute...i hope before became mute...let me say that 3 word only become mute....

Idiot....
Don ever act kesian la...
and like Speaker....tell u how kesian to everybody...
Something impossible then is impossible.....
and don disturb her life....

November 9...Dear diary....all the days...i questioned myself...am i less something ??...maybe i can change or i cant....i cant know....maybe isn't me....today i had a dream...that dream was about her...in dream i saw her very happy with that guy...that guy was a good guy...my heart got a conflicting mood...i was happy but otherside i feel depressed...when i wake up...it was exhausted day....Somemore i needed to practise my kawad kaki irama...i became a charcoal d...
All i can do is practise my guitar.....
Romance de amor...
Right here waiting...
Yesterday...
Larigma....
part of my life..=D

November 7....ss男孩和女孩从小就认识，男孩经常约女孩一起去村外的池塘边捉小虾，每次男孩总是满载而归，女孩却是两手空空，女孩总是失落的含着眼泪，独自一个人回到家，然后闷闷不乐。晚饭前，男孩敲响女孩家的门，女孩一见是男孩，扭头就走，男孩追上前，对女孩说：“对不起，我把你的虾都捉走了，给，我把它们养在小鱼缸里，送给你。”女孩眉头一放，慧心的笑了，就这样反复着他们纯纯的童年，转眼，他们各自成长着。——纯纯的“对不起” 。 男孩总是喜欢戏弄女孩，经常会把女孩逗到哭，然后又去哄女孩到她笑为止，直到长大后，也是如此。
男孩经常偷偷的把女孩的自行车轮胎的气放到没有，然后躲在远处，看女孩着急的走投无路，等着女孩拨通他的手机，然后破口大骂他的小贼行为。可男孩，依旧那么喜欢这样的女孩。他窃窃的从远处走来，灰溜溜的为女孩推着那辆没了气的自行车，任由女孩在一旁发牢骚，男孩却暗自窃喜，然后委屈的对女孩说：“对不起，我知道错了。随即，女孩便会柔弱下来，告诉男孩下次不允许那样，男孩点头，于是，那时的他们每天都充满着笑容。—— “对不起”的快乐 。
大学毕业后，男孩和女孩各自有了工作，男孩的工作总是很忙，有时一个月都休息不到一次，而女孩总是抱怨男孩冷落了她，终于，他们有了第一次的吵架。女孩委屈的哭起来，可男孩却很理直气壮的告诉女孩：“这是为了我的工作。”这场冷战持续了很久。终于，女孩还是忍不住，主动和男孩和好了。后来很多次男孩和女孩都因为这样的小事而吵得不可开交，可每次，都是女孩先妥协。 那年，女孩生日，男孩答应女孩要给他过一个浪漫的生日，女孩欣喜不已，她在家精心打扮，等着男孩回来陪她渡过这个美妙的生日，这一等就是凌晨，女孩在睡梦中醒来，脸上挂着泪痕，男孩见到女孩，心疼的为女孩擦去脸庞的泪痕：“对不起，嫁给我好吗？”于是男孩拿出一枚戒指。—— “对不起”也是一种承诺。..婚后男孩的事业大有成就，经常有许多应酬，而女孩已经成为一个专职太太了，每天在家为男孩准备热菜热饭，把家里收拾的干干净净，她经常会去菜场买回一些小河虾放在鱼缸里养着，男孩总问他为什么，女孩却总是慧心的一笑。 慢慢的，男孩每次回家，身上总是充满了不同的香水味道，而每次没等女孩问，男孩总是忙着解释说应酬太多。女孩黯然，那时起，女孩不太爱说话了，也不像以前那么开朗了，她总是喜欢成天的呆在家里，抱着枕头看韩剧，然后随着剧情哭泣，夜深时，就会疯狂的大哭。以后的日子里，男孩回来时，身上的香水味只有一种味道了，女孩从来不问，可是男孩依旧说：“对不起，今天又去应酬了。”—— “对不起”，谎言的开始。
渐渐的，男孩开始不回家，或总是在外出差，男孩的事业越来越好，身边都是奉承的人，他每天都在别人的恭维下自豪的笑着，而女孩，几乎不出门了，她总会去超市买上很多方便面，和一些必要的日用品，然后把自己关在家里，这一呆*就是很久。从前，女孩会经常和男孩一起聊聊天，而现在，她孤身一人，身边没有一个可以说话的人，每次打电话问男孩什么时候回家，男孩总是仓促的回答到：“对不起，我太忙了。”女孩，失落的扣上电话，那以后她再也没有问男孩什么时候会回家。—— “对不起”，只是个敷衍的方式。 女孩学着电视上的样子，开始打扮自己，她觉得男孩不回家，也许是看腻了她，她决定不再颓废，自己的幸福应该靠自己争取，而不是无谓的后退。 那天，女孩心血来潮，按照地址去了男孩工作的地方，那是女孩第一次去，也是唯一的一次。女孩涩涩的按下电梯，来*来到这个男孩经常说忙的地方，她细细的观察这个公司的每个角落，这里的一切，她都觉得很好看。终于，绕过长长的办公走廊，她来到男孩的办公室，轻轻的推开门……女孩愣住了，眼前看到的不是自己的丈夫，也不是那个经常弄坏她自行车的那个贼小子，更不是那个把虾放在小鱼缸里的男孩，而是一个正在和别的女人做爱的男人。那个女人坐在桌子上，******的发出微弱的呻吟声，那个男人，仿佛山林里饿极了的野兽…… 许久，男孩才发现了女孩，男孩惊慌失措，忙把衣裤捡起来穿好。可女孩，转身离开了。男孩飞奔出去，追着女孩，那晚，大雨袭击了整个城市。女孩不顾男孩的叫喊，径直往前跑，往回家的方向跑，男孩在女孩后面大喊：“对不起，我还是爱你的，对不起，我真的只爱你。”可女孩，始*始终没有听见。—— 这样的“对不起”太伤人。 男孩一直都没有找到女孩，
女孩失踪很久了。男孩的世界已经一片黑暗，无心工作，无心花天酒地，他想不到女孩可以去哪里，因为女孩没有朋友，她唯一的朋友就是男孩，男孩终日守着电话机，手机24小时不关机，怕错过了女孩的电话。这一等就是半年多。 快递为男孩送来一个盒子。 男孩打开一看，里面是许多河虾的标本，有的在树叶边休息，有的在水草里躲着，各式各样的河虾标本，旁边放着一封信。 “ 我始终没有勇气再见到你，可能是我太懦弱，也或许是我根本不想见到你，我想这些『警告：注意文明用语！』应该过的没什么两样吧，我很好，我学会了离开你怎么让自己存活，我懂得了怎样赚钱养活自己，而不用每天等着你回家，为你烧一桌热腾腾的饭菜，直到凉了也不见你的人，我的手机已经不用了，因为我已经不会再为你24小时的不关机，让自己饱受辐射的折磨。我懂得怎样去爱惜自己，珍惜自己的本来应该美好的*。我想，我是可以忘记怎么去爱你的，因为你把我的爱弄得遍地麟伤。 离婚协议书，就压在鱼缸的底下，你签完字，按照地址给我寄过来就行了。 对不起，我想我是真的累了。” 男孩按照地址找去，他满心希望能够见到女孩，然后让女孩原谅，并且告诉女孩自己不能没有她，可是打开门的却是女孩的父亲，而女孩就站在她父亲的身后——是女孩的遗像。 女孩的父亲告诉男孩，女孩在写完这封信后，跳楼自杀了，血肉一片模糊。—— 原来“对不起”也可以是种结束。
那一年，男孩疯了。每个人在自己的生命里头，一定会遇到一个自己真正该珍惜的人。请你好好的珍惜那一个人，不是每一句的对不起，都可以换来每一句的没关系……千万不要辜负了自己心爱的人，那对谁，都不好…… 看了有什麽感觸嗎?心疼?傷心?

November 5...Dear diary...Today i were exhausted to write...Nothing special for today.....

November 4...Dear diary...Last Night i had slept early in the night...but don't know why sudden awake...the first thing i do...it was sms her...i really cant control myself to stop sms her...actually my mind wants me to find her everymoment...but can ?...people will feels annoying...today i dint go school...hence...i went to visit the doctor as usually i go last time...take some pill...it charge 40 something...damn expensive...long time dint visit a doctor ady...haha...in this year just sick once...5 days ady...afternoon i went to maluri for tuition...miss lee still teaching the akaun kawalan penghutang and pemiutang...after that go back home and rest....In the night...i open my msn , everything and blog...another "she" msn me...ask me same things when i was in the school...it makes me feel uncomfortable....
but...
finally she also sms me...

*Tell me Tell me
What makes me to start over again ?

November 3....dear diary....All the days are coming...i always ask myself....Am i feel myself suffocating ?...even i also cant answer myself....16 years ady...only her makes me feel my life turn upside down...Ok ok ok ok....Back to my topic...Today was nothing special in school....the moment i only saw her was when the assembly started...after school...went to have lunch with my buddy....my buddy keeps asking me why i were so moody....because of her ?....part of it...the main part is...i have sick within 4 days...haven better yet...worst than worst....while going to have lunch...i lucky pick up Rm50 on the floor...am i lucky ? or God saw me moody...only drop 50 bucks for me ?....But one Lunch ady use all of it....afternoon...just at home and take a nap...

Is she my priority in my life ?
then
Am i an option in her life ?
whos know ?

November 2...dear diary....this is my fourth day i written my blog as my diary...things happen it will appear in here....Today is monday...it a school day too....bored day....while assembly , every classes needed to send 5 student to their classes to have clean up...so i m the one too...after at all...i get my math result...it was A but it was too lousy for me....after recess , went to basketball court for discussing the kawad kaki berirama....meanwhile i passed her class....i saw her through the window at her class...when the moment she was smiling...if no wrong...it load off my mind...i ask myself....should i give up ?...Joel more suitable her ? or Yew Juan ?....this 2 guy quite good...they treats her not bad i think...me ? what i have done ?...sms her...call her....so what ? but in reality ?...it has a long long distance with her....stand far away....and keep watching her....not i dont want to talk with her...there is no chance for me...they said chances can create ?...i think i should be stop...
moody day..
ill...
headache , stomache , having cold....

November 1....in the damn early morning...on call with her...she makes me completely dunno what she is thinking...is she treat everyone good as same as me?...the only way for avoid to thinking much...is sleep....i just slept few hour...not long period...i think should be 5a.m until 7a.m...then wake up for breakfast with my family as normally where they go....while having breakfast...it happen some quarrel with my mum...whos wrong ? me ?...parents are always right....came back home....helping my dad to do his housework...after that accompany him to ikea for cutting his short hair...we aren't staying at there not much long....and then we went to carrefour and my dad bought a phone for my mum...5800 express music....actually this phone i wanna to buy long time...but..haih....whole afternoon...stay at home and watch movie....in the night...play my lovely guitar and watch movie until now....Life just gt loneliness and bored ? No !!..Life without you...then it will loneliness and bored !!

Octocber 31...yesterday having a bad sleep...non-stop awake in the midnight...no dream no nightmare....my mind don let me fall asleep...i woke up at 8 something...it seem late for me to wake up....sometime i wake up very early in the morning...after i washed up i called minwen...i asked him is it at basketball court...he told me that he was waiting someone calling him for ball...then i called him to call jin yip too....after that i cycle to maluri for basketball....long time din exercise...my stamina just like a fire cracker....a while then gone....that time KB school fellow challenge us...finally also won...then went to kok hing for breakfast + lunch...while at kok hing...i felt myself not feeling well...cause the KB guy accidently hit my stomach...it make me like wanna to vomit but cant....not longer,me and minwen went to jin yip house for watch movie...the movie wasn't bad...it called"vampire diary"...it same like twilight...but it got many episode....Night...i have my dinner with my family at manjalara...yong tou fu....at night...my internet has recover....

Octocber 30...this my first day i write my blog as a diary...it started from 30 Octocber 2009...today was a school...i had prepared everything and go to school in the early of the morning...i have joined a choir with kalye and wen ting them for helping them...i think they aren't enough people for the choir...i still thought she was there too...but not....her class needed to go somewhere...i dunno where is it...while i were standing beside the stair...she passed by me...i smile and i wanna talk with her but i cant...my smile become a weird smile...the feel...it make me....confuse....just like a stranger...maybe we different world of people?i tell myself don think it anymore....that day was a boring day...after the presentation of the choir...me and auyong went to 4B class for practising of the kawad kaki berirama...whole day not in the class...after school i meet ah leong is standing outside of the school...he follow me back home cause later we need went jusco for a movie"poker king"....not bad this movie...it a hilarious movie...but doesn't change my mood...i still remember the moment...after for the movie...went to mamak having dinner with en...and then back home...my bro said that the streamyx cant connect...so that day din on9 at all...then i lie on my bed...i was thinking that should i find her ?...or wait she find me ?....am i uncertain about it ?....but finally i din.....that's day isn't my day